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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Lessons Learned

I've learned a few things recently about being part of a blended family and others feelings. I tend to treat people as I want to be treated. I've learned the hard way lately that no matter how sweet and perfectly amiable I am, despite the fact that I have no reason to be, it really doesn't matter. Unhappy people will be unhappy with whatever is presented to them. I've also learned that jealousy brings out the worst in women.

I've learned that my happiness with my family of six here in Hemet does not cancel out the fact that I used to be a part of a different family of six in Torrance. As much as I wish my two boys were with me or even talked to me, I will never discount the fact that they are not with me. And so, you may (or may not) have noticed that I quietly changed the subtitle on this blog from, "Our New Normal" to "My New Normal".

I have recently witnessed someone "moving on" and posting pictures titled "Our Family". And while that my be true for them, it feels like a smack in the face for the one left behind to see their children as now "belonging" to someone else and they're sitting here like, "Hey, I'm still here". It just seems very rude to me. I have done it myself and I won't do it again.

Being a stay at home mom at my home in Hemet, I do a lot of work, both for my own two children who live here but also for Wade's girls who live here 50% of the time. I love this job, I've always loved this job. I'm good at this job. It brings me joy and keeps me feeling fulfilled. I can understand anothers' feeling of "she can't replace me as their mother" but, I get annoyed because, "I'M JUST DOING MY JOB, LADY!" and I would do the same thing no matter whose children resided here. I won't be one kind of mom to my biological children and a lesser mom to "your" children just to make you feel better. If you're so concerned about me doing too much for them, guess what, you work from home at a very flexible job, take some time out and be better than me, if that's how you feel!

Whew. That was a lot of commas and a lot of pent up feelings. Sorry about that and I am not going to edit that last paragraph because those are my feelings and well, this is MY blog.

I guess since this has turned into my vent post, what else do I have? Haha

I've learned that I will NEVER thank Tim (my ex-husband) for taking care of our children or having them stay at his house when they go to Torrance to visit him and their friends. I think it's demeaning. Like, now that we're divorced and I'M the mother, I obviously matter the most and you're just a part timer who was never a part of their lives.......... Oh my gosh, it's just wrong. He is still their Dad. He loves them just the same as he always has and is a part of their life and still has influence. He is not their part time babysitter who needs instructions on how to do the job he never stopped doing.

So, thank you to the person who taught me these lessons of what not to do to your ex or their partner. I am a better person because of you and I will continue to take what you give me as a lesson of how to be a better ex to Tim so he never feels the way you make the people around you feel.


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